Chorlton Safeway = Dog Toffee?

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George Buzzard
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Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:18 pm

Chorlton Safeway = Dog Toffee?

Postby George Buzzard » Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:29 pm

Greetings fellow Chorltonites!

I have not posted on this web site for a year or so as I couldn’t really be bothered (that and the coma). I also came to realise that there’s so much more to see on the inter-web. I’ve nearly finished reading it now and as such my emotions feel drawn to the site that I love the most… I only jest, I am of course, referring to the chorlton web. I love this site and all that it stands for. Always have, always will. I remember a time when I could hold conversations face to face, but sod that for a game of hide the sausage, why get out of bed when I can lie here, uploading my megastream into you.

Today I wish to discuss a topic that I feel very strongly about - Chorlton Safeway. It really is dog toffee, isn’t it? Below is a list of reason why…

1. Till Occupation
Why do they only have a maximum of five tills open at any one time? I stood queuing in the isle for nigh on 30 minutes last week as I waited for Liquid Shirley to bleep my goods. She spent ten minutes filling her till with coins of money. Should she not have been prepared and done this beforehand? Should she not have filled the till with pound sterling and not Indian rupees?? It’s not that much to ask is it?

2. Wrong Goods Above Offer Labels
Why do they put products that are not on offer where the 2-for-1 labels are? I have been ripped off on numerous occasions when they do this. I never used to check my receipt until I’d sobered up a few day later, but now I stand with my trolley blocking the exit as I scrutinise my receipt with impunity. What gives them the right to do this? Everytime I have flagged it up, some spotty herbert looks at me with an intrinsically vacant expression and drools in words of bespoken Queens English that, “It is a wrong.” What? Another one? Like you? Did your mother have any kids that actually lived? Argh! If I still had the use of my fists I’d give them a punch in the windpipe. As is usually the case I just hobble away reciting passages from The Necronomicon.

3. Safeways Employment Policy
Why is Safeway’s policy to only employ feral children? Whenever I ask where the tins of snuff are located I am greeted with a reply that can only be described as a cross between a sexually frustrated rat-monkey and a grizzly suffering from dysentery. “A manner maketh the man”, so the old saying goes. A bit of politeness goes along way in my book. For this reason alone it grieves me that the majority of the workers at Safeway look like they’ve been diagnosed with The Cancer or have just undergone forced insemination. The world is a better place when it smiles. I’m no hippie twunt, but c’mon, why look so despondent? Are things really that bad? Just look out of the window at the scruffy beggar selling The Big Issue in the car park, soaking wet, caked in mud, oil, filth and shite. Fancy a swap? Thought not.

4. Fresh Food
Why is it that when I buy a bag of mixed salad (for the rabbit – obviously!) it only lasts 30 minutes after leaving the store? When I open the bag up, the contents look like something that’s been cultivating in the bottom of my commode for the last month. The fruit and veg ain’t much better either. Apart from being about as unpleasant as a Princess of Hearts waiter, it’s bloomin’ expensive to boot. It’s a good job I suffer from Pica.

I could go on, but it’s time for my medication. Does anyone else agree that it’s an appalling shop? Here’s hoping that Morrisons take it over and sort it out. Them or some Muslim fundamentalist.

Thanks for listening.


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Postby elliej » Mon Apr 26, 2004 5:50 pm

Just to redess the balance (a little) - on my occasional visits to Safeway I have been politely taken to a requested item and 3 staff helped look for my temporarily misplaced child.
I think a queue length of about 2-3 customers gives enough time to check out the talent in other aisles before boredom sets in...30 minutes - really?
You should (or not) try Kwik-Save, the staff look positively depressed, no stock and it's dirty.

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Postby Louise » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:52 pm

Welcome back from your long sleep Buzzard. It's good to hear from you even if you do need to change your pyjamas. It's ok to criticise Safeway they are big enough to take it. I warn you not to criticise the Barbakan though or they issue the Polish equivalent of a fatwa on you and threaten to stuff you into a sausage.

George Buzzard
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Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:18 pm

Postby George Buzzard » Wed Apr 28, 2004 10:13 am

You're right ElleJ - Kwik Save is a step down from rooting around in the bins. My colleagues that used to sup White Lightning & Kestrel Super on the bench outside Edwards (as was) used to prefer to scour The Green for dregs from discarded tinnies on hot sunny days. Anything is better than PAYING for ale from Kwik Save that looks/smells like it's been administered by a incontinent yak.

p. webb
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Postby p. webb » Sun May 23, 2004 7:18 pm

"I could go on, but it’s time for my medication. Does anyone else agree that it’s an appalling shop? Here’s hoping that Morrisons take it over and sort it out. Them or some Muslim fundamentalist".

I thought it had been already...

Is there a special job centre somewhere that you go to to get surly teenagers to tut at you, push in front of you at the fag counter to get served "because I'm staff". Huddle round the information counter in herds until you appear with a request for information as to why safeway is trying rob you with their "special offer" that isnt a "special offer" after all, as it relates to a promotion which starts in the year 2053. To find their mobile phones more intresting that the buttons on the till which you have been queing at for the last 30 minutes. To talk to that girl that comes in on a friday flogging the Evening News far more urgent that serving you 20 bensons when you aint had a smoke for nearly 2 hours.

And...You have 2 tills, you put the newest member of staff on it on their own and expect me to stand around while she does lottery for the doleys, dry cleaning for the elderly, the absolute ba**rds who demand to be served with their shopping and all the while the que grows...I would go over the road to that little newsagents...but he's so misrable, I'd have to kill myself after 1 minute in his I stand and wait and wait...

Come on Tesco, knock down the ville and give us a superstore. You know it makes sense.

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